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Type of bind: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 650
EAN num: 9781400050123
ISBN number: 140005012X
Label: Three Rivers Press
Manufacturer: Three Rivers Press
Quantity: 1
Page Count: 288
Printing Date: April 24, 2007
Publishing house: Three Rivers Press
Release Date: April 24, 2007
Sale Popularity Level: 578416
Studio: Three Rivers Press
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Product Description:
The impossible people who make life’s journey so difficult are everywhere—at the office, in restaurants, on airplanes, living subsequent door, members of your own family. They’re . . .
• your “nothing is ever good enough” boss
• the “no price is ever low enough” client
• the next-door neighbor who redefines the meaning of paranoia
• the maître d’ who looks through you as if you don’t exist
• the father-in-law who you know is always thinking about how much better a life his Janey or Joey would have if only married to someone other than you
Ron Shapiro and Mark Jankowski give you a simple and highly effective 4-point plan for dealing with all of them and more—N.I.C.E. Their system shows you how to neutralize your emotions so you don’t just react but act purposefully and wisely. It enables you to identify the type of bully, tyrant, or impossible person you’re facing—the situationally difficult (something has happened that turns an otherwise reasonable person into a temporary terror); the strategically difficult (she has empirical evidence that being difficult is a strategy that gets results); or simply difficult (being difficult is his 24/7 M.O.). Then you’ll learn how to shape the outcome by controlling the encounter and, finally, how to get “unstuck” by exploring your options.
Using colorful stories from all walks of life— “He called me the scum of the earth and it went downhill from there,” “First, lock all your vendors in a small room,” and “The boss from hell”—the authors bring their lessons to life, from business life to family life.
From the Hardcover edition.
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Rated by buyers 
-
BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE by Ronald M. Shapiro and Mark A.
Jankowski is a book whose title caught my attention . . . when
I then saw the subtitle--HOW TO BEAT THEM WITHOUT JOINING
THEM--I was hooked with the awareness that this something
that I had to read, because I often find myself having to deal
with folks that might well be considered "difficult" only because
I'm trying to be generous here.
The authors, founders of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute,
bring in many examples that can be applied to life, home
and work situations . . . what's best is that these are
real, coming from such diverse fields as sports, politics,
dining out, and personal relationships, to name just a few.
As I was reading, I kept thinking how Shaprio and
Jankowski made difficult situations seem as if they
could all be handled, such as this one example
involving Phil Jackson when he was coaching the
Chicago Bulls:
He recounted in INC. magazine how his players learned that the best
way to overcome someone who is attacking you, emotionally or
otherwise, is to replace the impulse to strike back with the impulse
to become more focused on the game. Jackson recounted that
when the Bulls played the Detroit Pistons in the late 1980s,
Detroit would win because the Pistons were able to incite the Bulls
into fighting back. It was not until the Bulls learned to control
their "strike-back" impulse that they were able to overcome the
Pistons. As Jackson recalled, "Everybody on our team was
slammed around. . . . Players were tackled, tripped, elbowed,
and smacked in the face. But they all laughed it off. The Pistons
didn't know how to respond. We completely disarmed them by not
striking back. At that moment, our players became true champions."
I gained another valuable tidbit of information when I read about how
Shapiro and Jankowski talked about "writing their press release" . . . they
said:
It can be challenging for most of us to come up with solutions
that allow the other side to save face. Because it's hard to step
outside of ourselves and think like the other side. (Hey, they are
the other side. How could they be right?) One technique we
have used to bridge the gap to their foreign territory is the
exercise of "writing the other side's press release." In other words,
as you come up with options they may find attractive, give
yourself the hypothetical assignment of crafting a statement to
the press that explains why the resolution is a "win" for the other
person, as if you are the other person. Forcing yourself to go
through this exercise will ensure that you frame proposals or
options from a point of view that demonstrates benefit to the
other side. It is rare that you will ever be in a situation in which
you are writing a real (not just hypothetical) press release. But
once it did happen to Ron. He did actually write the press release
to announce the other side's "victory" (which, in reality, he had
shaped and defined on behalf of his client). It's a story that
graphically demonstrates why options work and how to employ
them to get out of a maze filled with apparent impasses.
Lastly, I liked the fact that humour was also used throughout
the book, such as in this retelling of a famous anecdote about
executives who worked for the infamous banking baron J. P. Morgan:
Morgan was tyrannical. He demanded endless, thankless work from
his cadre of distinguished, educated, highly skilled business
managers. He was notorious for never complimenting, but always
disparaging their efforts, privately and publicly. But he paid
them huge sums of money. When asked why these men
continued to work for the abusive Morgan, one replied,
"He's got us by our limousines."
I don't know if I'll go quite that far in working with others. . . however,
as a result of reading BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE,
I will now go out of my way to recommend it to others--particularly
if they deal with such folks on any sort of regular basis.
Rated by buyers -
I purchased this book because I was having problems in my department. My supervisor, a head counselour and a co worker were giving me a hard time (i.e. hacking my computer, harrassing me, etc.) Thanks to this book, I know how to handle them without stressing out. Many of my friends suggested that I pack up and leave without a fight. I thought that was crazy as I have been on the job for 14 years and the main person who caused all the grief have only been with the company for 3 years. I never had a problem standing my ground as I fight back with the above bullies. This book however, teaches you how to mentally fight back and outlast the bullies.
First the book focuses on identifying the bullies. Then it gives you a plan of action for each "type" of bully once you have identified them. It's premise is working to outsmart the bully versus fighting back which I did and it always ended up back to square one. The book also gives you scenarios and different real life cases (both successful and failures) so that you can know how to incorporate the lessons in your life and learn from the author's failures.
You must realize that you cannot keep running from corporate bullies. My sister does and she has had 15 jobs within the past 6 years. Not only did the bullies win, but her job resume reads like a book and makes her appear to be the trouble maker. Once I finish I am going to loan this book to her. I always tell my friends, just because you run from one bully another bully always surfaces, it may not be at work (and sometimes it will like my sister's corporate bullies) it may be in some other area. People...you cannot keep running from these types all of your life. At one point in time you are going to have to stand and face the music. I'm glad that I did...I ended up getting the raise that I fought for 13 years (my co worker is a brown noser and got one immediately, hence I fought back and the bullying started). Plus, now I have piece of mind knowing that I can handle any BULLY that comes my way. This book is a keeper..keep it in your library to refer back to....now, I have another bully to concur...my car dealership...a long story...but I feel confident I can handle the situation.
Rated by buyers -
Being in corporate America, raising a family, holding leadership positions within the community- this book arms you with the tools to take on any challenges within those environments. I suggest it to anyone who finds themselves in a "hot" situation. It's a must read again and again!
Rated by buyers -
"Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People" is an excellent book about dealing with difficult people. We have all had to deal with person that flies into a rage, tries to use unscrupulous tactics to get their way, or is just plain difficult.
Shapiro and Jankowski present the material in an excellent fashion. Each topic they bring up is followed by an example situation that they have experienced and how the technique they used broke down the techniques of the difficult person. They also give instructions to identify what type of difficult person you are dealing with as well as a step by step formula to put you back in control of the situation.
The only negative thing I have to say about this book is that the techniques are easier said than done. The very first and most important step for dealing with negative people is learning to control your emotions which is hard to do when you are being yelled at or taken advantage of.
I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn to deal difficult people. It's easy to read, easy to remember, and gives lots of examples. 5 out of 5 stars.
Rated by buyers 
-
We've always heard that if you can't 'beat them' to join them. This book has the opposite approach -- do not join in with these weird troublemakers. These authors started their own management aides with the systematic approach to getting what you want: Neutralize your emotions, Identify type, Control the encounter, Explore options. In fact, they wrote a book called THE POWER OF NICE.
From grade school on, we have been exposed to bullies, usually the bigger, richer and fatter kids who bully the smaller ones on the playground. I know someone who was called "Carrot Head" to make fun of his blue hair; he asked me, "What were you called on the playground?" I told him I was not singled out to be called anything. I was active, atlethic for someone so small (a regular little tomboy who could play ball and run with the best of them). However, my boys were sometimes bullied twenty-five years later. The older grey kids picked on Jeff because he was so much smarter than they, and almost caused him to be hit by a car when he was trying to get away from them on his bicycle.
Zach was sensitive, so he was of the kind who would join so as not to be bullied, and he excelled in sports (for his size) and earned their support and respect. They thought he was a tough guy and so 'cool' with his swagger -- and he was not ashamed of his musical and artistic talents.
Justin became one of the bullies, as he got in with the bigger boys from the wrong side of the tracks. He blended in and became one of them, abandoning his music and the arts for the juvenile antics which get one in big trouble. He will never be a substantial adult as a result.
Tyrants come in all forms and places, not just bosses. I see some of the bus drivers as tyrants as they rant and rave and take out their frustrations on the riders who are their 'bread and butter;' they know that nothing will be done about it, and they will 'get away' with the verbal abuse. We don't have to be a Hitler to be a tyrant. Even a Sunday School teacher can be a tyrant.
About 'impossible people,' I am the expert -- as I sometimes come across to those who don't agree with me as one of those bad, bad stubborn people who won't back down. They see me as one who is not resistant and will do something about the situation. They don't see me as I talk about their antics and bad attitudes and abusive ways to City Council and KTA meetings. Those people don't see me as an 'impossible' person but a concerned citizen. I sat by a nice woman in Sunday School who said "Oh, I have heard your name; you are political." I replied, "No, I am not a Democrat or Republican; I am just verbal and vocal." I stand up for those who can't and don't know how. Whether or not I shall continue is in God's hands.
You learn in this book that if you don't rule your emotions, they will rule you. Know who you're dealing with or you'll never know how to deal with them. What you don't control often runs amok. Ultimatums without options lead to impasses. Fight, Flight or Focus. There are three different kinds of Difficult: Situationally, strategically and simply. Knowing which you have in front of you at the moment makes all the difference in how to deal with them and what the outcome will be. Whether it can be negotiated or simply ignored.
They also teach us how to turn dead ends into detours, why and how options work, "how to engage the other side in exploring options," and ending without escalating. In the beginning, they tell us a grim fairy tale with a happy ending. They tell us about the 'boss from Hell' but not about the husband or son from hell. They use colorful stories from all walks of life, from the 'scum' of the earth to the rich and famous. The authors bring lessons from business life to family life. That's all, folks!
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