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Type of bind: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.8743
EAN num: 9781594481703
ISBN number: 1594481709
Label: Riverhead Trade
Manufacturer: Riverhead Trade
Quantity: 1
Page Count: 352
Printing Date: February 07, 2006
Publishing house: Riverhead Trade
Sale Popularity Level: 2176
Studio: Riverhead Trade
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Product Description:
The paradigm-shattering bestseller that investigates how women have fallen into the trap of 'total motherhood,' and how that mind-set damages them and their relationships with their husbands and children.
Amazon.com:
The old adage is especially true for Perfect Madness: don't judge this eminently readable book by its stern and academic-looking cover. Judith Warner's missive on the 'Mommy Mystique' can be read in a weekend, if readers have the time. Of course--according to the book--many would-be readers will have to carve out the hours in between an endless sea of child-enriching activities, a soul-sucking swirl that leads many mothers into a well of despair. Warner's book seeks to answer the question, 'Why are today's young mothers so stressed out?' Whether shuttling kids to 'enriching' after-school activities or worrying about the quality of available child care, the women of Perfect Madness describe a life far out of balance. Warner spends most of the book explaining how things got to this point, and what can be done to restore some sanity to the parenting process.
Warner draws her research from a group of 20- to 40-year-old, upper-middle-class, college-educated women living in the East Coast corridor. In other words, mirror images of Warner herself. Her limited scope has caused controversy and criticism, as have some of her more sweeping statements. (For example, Warner blames second-wave feminism--rather than corporate culture--for the many limitations women still experience as they try to balance the work-family dynamic.) Other favorite targets include the mainstream media, detached fathers, and controlling, 'hyperactive' mothers who create impossible standards for themselves, their children, and the community of other parents around them. Warner begins and ends the book with a compelling argument for the need for more societal support of mothers--quality-of-life government 'entitlements' such as those found in France. It's these big-picture issues that will provide the solution, she says, even if most mothers don't want to discuss them because they consider the topic 'tacky, strident-sounding, not the point.' In these sections on governmental policy, and also when she steps back, encouraging women to be kinder to each other, the author's warmth comes across easily on the page. Pilloried by some readers and supported by others, Warner should at least be applauded for opening up the Pandora's Box of American motherhood for a new generation. And if readers are of two minds about the issues raised Perfect Madness, as Warner sometimes seems to be herself, it's a fitting reaction to a topic with few easy answers. --Jennifer Buckendorff END
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Rated by buyers 
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Judith Warner overgeneralizes from her own personal experience and that of a small segment of society (which is self-evidently atypical of society at large), anecdotal evidence, and unsupported assertion. Her arguments are largely incoherent.
If you want polemics fine. Otherwise, pass this over: it is not a work of serious thought.
Rated by buyers 
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As a SaHM.. (Stay at home mom) in the mid-west, I was looking for a book that would somehow let me know that my feelings and freinds feeling were the same as other SaHM's accross the board, and was looking for way to fix these problems. IE: How to not be competitive with my 18mo Vocab with other 18mo.
I was looking for a book that would make me laugh and yet laugh at myself for being so cought up in the BEST for my Child Compitition.
instead I feel like I read a history book about how Women's lib was great, yet it wasn't what we thought it was gonna be! Over and Over agian. I feel that the author did a very good job in the history lesson and weighing the pros vs the cons, but this book could have been 1/2 the size and I would have gottne the point. I only read 220pgs, and just can't read anymore, I thumbed througth to see if anything cought my eye.. just the same old Blahh Women screwed up! Blahh how can we have it all? Blahh and Wahh!
If you really want to be a stay at home mom the you just have to do it, and trust that you are doing the best that you can do with what you have. Rich or poor, working or not, you will always want more for your children. Not every mom is "made" to stay at home. That is okay, Just because other mom's do doesn't mean that EVERYONE should. You have to weight the pros and cons on a personal level and do what is best for you.
That is kinda the jist of the book.
Sorry for any miss spelled words or grammer problems!
Rated by buyers -
This book took sort of a scatter-shot approach to why American mothers are going crazy. It seemed as if Judith Warner hit on a lot of themes that resonated with me, but she couldn't seem to find the exact problem, nor formulate likely to happen, workable solutions.
It seems to me that a combination of factors keeps today's mothers in a state of anxiety and isolation. One is simply the very separate nature of modern American life. Many of us live far from our parents and extended families. The mothers of young children who live near us face the same grueling schedules we do. Many women work part or full time and thus are not home in the middle of the day to get together with. We live our separate lives, coping with the pressure largely alone.
Another has to do with, I guess you would call it "expectations." After spending our lives earning advanced educational degrees, working at rewarding careers, and nurturing marriages, everything comes to an abrupt, grinding halt when babies and small children arrive on the scene. Suddenly, there are no people around, no goals to achieve, just endless rounds of diapers, food, cleaning up, and dealing with the demands of small children. Suddenly, women who up till now lived in the fast lane, are going through life with the emergency brake on.
Another factor involves the messages that society sends us, and here I have to break with other women's opinions here. I have found other women much, much more oppressive than men. A quick read on any mommy e-bulletin board yields flames telling women that if they don't breastfeed their child (competition here for how long to breastfeed), then they are engaging in child abuse. Ditto for making homemade baby food, using cloth diapers, buying only eco-friendly, educational toys, having no pain-killers during childbirth, spending as little time as possible in the hospital after childbirth...I could go on and on. If something spares a mother time, pain, convenience, or suffering, then it is denigrated by...mothers, many of them speaking in tones so arrogant and quelling that they smother any kind of debate or consensus on flexibility.
If men figure anywhere in this equation, it is in what warnings are sent to the public about pregnancy and raising small children. The warnings are dire, strident, and ultimately, produce great anxiety about outcomes with a low probability of happening. Pregnant women may not eat soft cheese or deli meat; they may not consume even a sip (a sip!) of alcohol without incurring public censure. When raising children, you may have the police on your hands if you leave your child unattended in the car for even a moment. The expectation on women is that will keep every potentially harmful substance from their children always, and likewise, that they will watch their children every single waking moment of every day without fail or be deemed defective, *bad* mothers. No wonder mothers of young children feel enormous pressure!
The issue of childcare seems like a blue herring to me. Someone is still doing the work of caring for the children, and their work is the same as the mother's, except that they clock out after a few hours and get paid and go home guilt-free to their own lives, which may involve...raising small children.
As to solutions, I wish I had some... The one good thing is that the children do get bigger and wiser and require far less supervision.
Rated by buyers 
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This is such a great book! It took the weight off to know so many of the pressures we face are social pressures. You always think of who you are as a product of your own actions, and not ALSO as a product of the society that you're functioning in. This book suggests otherwise and highlights the Herculean demands that we face as mothers today. More importantly, though, it gave me some relief! I often feel that no matter what I do, I'm not mothering well enough. I have feared that some of my children's issues have occurred because I haven't done everything I should have as a mother. For me, this book put those feelings into perspective and helped me relax a little. I'm thankful to have read it.
Rated by buyers 
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I really enjoyed reading this book, and found it very interesting how the author provided a historical account of 'mothering'. My daughter is now 4, but I still have a lot of fear and guilt about parenting her in the 'best' or most ideal way (attachment parenting, cry it out, so many choices, what should I do?). I found this book really helps to clarify and illuminate the various complicated issues involved in being a mom, and in particular the issues related to working or not working outside of the home. There is just so much pressure and judgement from family and friends when you have children, that this type of book really helps you to understand how this has been going on in similar and different ways for a really long time, and as a result, helps you to get some big-picture perspective. This is a great book for a book club! So much to discuss. It's also a great gift for a new mom. I know it would have helped me get more in touch with what some of the unhelpful messages were in my brain that made it hard for me to parent the way I really wanted to, and I thought the book actually had some really nice solution ideas that made me feel inspired. I agree with the author in that we tend to turn our anxiety, guilt and anger inside ourselves or turn it towards judging how other moms parent their kids, instead of joining forces to make our society a better place for moms. More flexibility at work, better daycares/schools, etc. Just imagine if we put all of our neurotic energy into something useful and for the good of all moms.
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